Hearing the thunder makes me feel may emotions all at the same time, I love love storms but it reminds me of all the broken promises of dancing in the rain. Call me a silly girl but I have always wanted to dance in the rain with someone or just curl up on the porch and watch the rain and lightning dance in the sky. I have stopped telling people that I have always wanted to dance in the rain because I am not willing to be disappointed or let down by anyone anymore. I will never stop wishing for someone who wants to never stop trying even when they have me, someone who will be afraid to lose me and someone who will miss me when I am not with them. I can only hope that it will happen and keep living life knowing that when it happens it will be nothing but amazing every step of the way.
0 Comments
We live in a world of bigger better faster stronger and we are quickly forgetting to appreciate the small things in life and to have our eyes truly open when we are awake each day. I have to giggle to myself when someone assumes when you are talking to someone that you are in a relationship, truth is you are talking if you spend time together thats a bonus. Take your time go slower and see what happens, get to know the person little bits at a time rather than all at once. Ladies we do not have to greet every man we meet with our vaginas at the ready and guys just because your wonder stick is in front of you does not mean it should have the lead in every conversation. I truly appreciate anyone who can take the time to get to know someone without jumping into bed then running out to choose a china pattern and a honeymoon spot. Why not take a bit more time and go slower to make sure you get it right instead of leaping then finding out it was a pothole not a pond. So when you think things are not going fast enough for you take a step back and breathe and understand it will be as it should be she i
I have learned to appreciate every moment as it comes because I have found that they often times don't last as much as you wish they would. Feel amazing when you can and remember that feeling when you need to smile when no one is around. I wish may times that someone would just show up and want all of me not just part of me part of the time. I wish that someone would want to me with me while I sleep and be there to just put their arms around me. I keep hoping someone would see that I am worth the effort and surprise me someday just because they wanted to not because they felt like they had to. I cherish all the amazing moments I have had - some are beyond perfect at that moment and will stay with me forever. But most of all its the look that gets to me, the look they have that makes me feel like I am the only person in the world at that time. Yes those moments may not be forever but they are mine to remember. Life seems a but sweeter when you learn to cherish those moments just in case its not forever just yet.
I have been doing some thinking and I have been seeing things a different way lately, maybe its good maybe its bad who knows! I have been looking at relationship stuff a little differently, perhaps it makes sense to some people. I think that if you have let someone know you are interested in them and they do something or nothing with it that is on them because you have done what you can with out looking desperate. I have been thinking I am just not "that girl" for a long time when in fact perhaps HE was not "that guy"…. I don't think its asking to much to have someone care about me not just parts of me. To many guys think women should greet them with ankles around your ears and thats not right. Take the time to get to know someone and you may be surprised how few actual crazy women there are out there. I want the guy who will be silly and sing to me, someone who will put their hat on me just because, someone who will just talk and listen to music, someone who would give me a piggy back ride or try on my jewelry for fun. Every time I think that someone like that is a unicorn someone comes along and proves me wrong. Thank you to the men who have shown me that there are still actual gentleman out there wither it works out with us or not you make me believe everything I want in my forever can still happen someday. So until then I will just let people know who I feel and they can do with that info what they want to, if he is interested he will find a way to let me know….. I hope, maybe, probably….. right???????
You hear it all the time "Oh it must be so easy being single…" Well let me think - yep it is far better than being in a destructive relationship. However there are a few things they forgot to mention like:
1) Hold onto your pride they will try and take it 2) Morals are NOT an accessory find them and keep them close 3) Dating after being in a relationship for years SUCKS!!!! 4) Meeting new people is fun 5) Stories galore come from #4 6) The rules are find what works for you 7) Lots of men will hope you greet them for your first date with your ankles around your ears 8) If you find someone who will open the door, text or call you first and make you feel special KEEP them they are like a damn unicorn!!! 9) The rule of 3 will keep you from becoming a stage 5 clinger ( don't be that person ) 10) If he wants to talk to you he will if not he is just not that into you… Its a crappy truth but it helps 11) Everyone will tell you there is someone for you - the best thing you can do is be happy with who you are and not worry about it people will come and go but the right one is out there sometimes you just need to kiss a few or a lot of frogs before you find the right one! Being a single mom was not on my list of things to do but it is one of the things I am most proud of now. Life isn't perfect its messy and not always what I thought it would be but then again thats how my life has gone so its not really a shock. Being a single mom means you are mom and dad, cook and chauffeur, doctor and therapist, warden and friend. I love the fact my kids can come to me when they have a problem and not feel judged for what they are going through, I might not have the answer but I have 2 perfectly working arms to hug them with shoulders to cry on and a box of kleenex when needed. I look at my adult male reduced family as a team - we work together you hurt one you should run because there are more of us standing right there. We fight sometimes and the rules have to be followed just like anyone else's house. I love how people stand and judge me for things I do, I know I can't please anyone but if my kids are happy and I can look myself in the mirror and not hate the person looking back at me I consider that a success. Dating as a single mom of 4 has been well lets just say interesting at best. I refuse to be the mom who brings home a new guy every week or every month. I have to know exactly who they are before they even so much as find out where I live. No I don't just trust everyone, my home is our safe zone and not everyone is welcome there. I guard my heart like I guard my kids and my home only someone I can trust will get near it. At the end of the day I may only have fur babies or small humans in my bed but I would rather roll over to no one that roll over and see someone who keeps hurting me, I deserve better and I know that now. If I can find someone who sees my house is a mess sometimes and my life isn't perfect but they want to grow old with me
I have always wanted to be the girl they can't forget yet I seem to be the one who they can't remember. It seems easy for people to walk away from me when they said they cared. Maybe they never did or maybe they just forgot. I wonder if they think about me from time to time and smile. I wonder if they miss me at all. But then again if it was right they wouldn't walk away. Timing is everything but just once I would like to know that someone felt my touch so deeply it stayed with them forever. Just once I want someone to look at me and never want to see anyone else ever again. I admit it I want it all, I crave the conversation for hours, dancing in the rain or under the stars. I wish for someone to want to just be with me. For once I want to be the one they will never fo
I know we all have those days when nothing seems to be going right. Thats when we need to take a step back and understand that just because it doesn't seem like its working out it really is we just have to wait to see what the plan is. I get tired of people thinking I am a door mat and not worthy of being in their life unless its on their terms… NEWS FLASH I am worth it and if you think keeping me as a secret is a great idea thats the worst idea you have ever had because I will walk away happily with my head held high. I will never understand the allure of a dirty little secret, last time I checked no one is in the public eye and if you need to keep anyone a secret maybe its because you have others to hide it from to, think about that! So from now on if someone is interested in me I refuse to hide or be kept a dirty little secret or be your after midnight girl - NOT GONNA HAPPEN! If I like someone I am all about them and I expect that in return, no guess work. I have no problem telling other people no as a matter of fact I have been telling people no thank you for a couple weeks now because I got my hopes up like a stupid girl….. totally a rookie move and I should know better oh well live and learn some more I guess.
Dear No One,
I wish every night for you to find me and I am slapped with reality every day when you are not here. I can not be sad while I wait though because this journey I am on is amazing! I have grown into someone who I know will be the best partner for you when you arrive and stay. I dream of the day you show up and wrap your arms around me making everything ok and making me feel protected knowing I can have weak moments and you will be my strength. I wait for the love I know we both deserve because when the time comes it will be the most beautiful thing that no one can come between. Even though I am curious all the time who you are, have I met you have I been near you do we know each other or are you out there some where waiting? Clearly I am not the best judge of this because when I think it could be right I am usually wrong or maybe its just not the right time who knows! I fight the urge to hide from the world because I know I have to remain open to what the universe has to offer me and I need to be ready for it. I have learned a lot and I have had my heart broken now I anticipate the day you come and make it feel like I have never been hurt before. Until then dear no one I wait for you and I plan to enjoy life during that time too! Its those days when nothing seems to go right but you know it could always be worse that I am reminded that no one is coming to save me I have to do this all on my own. As much as I wish somedays that someone would just show up and make it ok I know it won't happen. I get close but then something always happens, I get it that there is a plan but honestly I am tired of hearing that. I have to be both mom and dad which I am ok with but between being parent and business woman it leaves little time to remember I am a female as well. I guess the girl in me has to take a backseat as always until I find someone who wants to be there for me and remind me that I am human, well at least thats what they tell me somehow I don't believe it! Being a hopeless romantic is a double edged sword really because I love seeing people in love and yet at some point I would love for that to be me, but it has to be right and he needs to understand that his job is to remind me to slow down and that I am human. I am not a weak person by any means I can and will do it myself, the trick is finding the person who won't let me do it all myself. Oh well whatever I am used to sleeping alone and doing it myself I got this ;)
|
AuthorThis blog is a random journal of both Tracy waiting for Mr. Right to show up and just great advice based a lot on what NOT to do while dating! Archives
August 2018
Categories |