As I close in on a huge moment in my life I am humbled as to how far I have come in the last 4 years. I have struggled and fought my way back and now I am stronger than ever. I never claimed to be perfect but you can be darn sure that I try my best at everything. I get a little soft for a moment thinking about how important this refinance of my home is to my family and myself. Not only will I be able to remodel the place we call home but I will gain my full wings to fly freely once again and be completely free from the past. It's easy to judge someone when you don't know the whole story and trust me when I say no one will ever know my whole story because that's not the pain I want to relive again. My wounds have healed and I have forgiven those who hurt me along the way. Now like a phoenix I will rise from the ashes not the same person but a much better one! I can say with all honesty I am truly ready for my bright beautiful future. To the man who I may end up with someday you are one lucky dog because you will get the best of me not just the rest of me. I promise to be the most supporting, understanding and purely loving partner you could ask for, but now it is your turn to come find me and show me you are ready for me as well..... XOXO life I hope you are ready for this lady!!!
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Being strong is a fascinating paradox, being forced to be strong all the time never allowed to falter from that strength. Yet from time to time things happen to even the strongest of people and that's when the crickets show up. No one wants to talk to someone who is always strong when they are weak even for a moment. Ahh yes never fall for long princess you must keep an iron upper lip even when you want to cry because no one knows what to do with a crying princess. I laugh when people tell me to ask for help or show weakness to "get a man" Ummmm yeah that doesn't work for me... EVER! I ask for help and guess what nothing happens then I am told I am to independent, well DUH I have to be because no one is running to me to hug me when I want to fall apart or help me when I am weak. I keep to myself because even if I try to talk no one is listening anyhow, I handle my own stuff and the stuff others are going through because that's who I am. I laugh when people tell me I try to hard, news flash that s who I am!!! I am the person who will drive to go get someone day or night, I will bake cookies for fun and I can rock a dinner like its no ones business and yes I would make food and drop it off with someone if they needed help or some kindness. I bust ass at work and I have huge goals in my life. Guess I have to dry my eyes, ductape my angel wings and straighten my crown cause I have things to do!!
My kids asked me last night which movie I am afraid of, I responded with none. I don't fear movies because you can shut them off, I fear real life more because there is no off switch to it you must endure the bad to get to the good. I secretly fear never feeling the touch that makes even the worst moments seem not so hard. I fear never finding the love of someone who will love me the way I crave. I fear never waking up next to someone who will look at me like I am the only person in the world at that moment. My fears are simple and beyond my control so I have to let them go. The only thing I can do is breathe let it go and keep moving forward with my life knowing that what's meant to be will be and praying someday that person will find his way to me even in a moment that no one else knows about just so he can see me. I believe that love is not dead it's just busy right now, I can wait because it's something I have always wanted. XOXO life bring on the magic!!
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AuthorThis blog is a random journal of both Tracy waiting for Mr. Right to show up and just great advice based a lot on what NOT to do while dating! Archives
August 2018
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