*I am not saying to stalk anyone FYI that is something totally different!*
I have seen so many stories and pictures where the girl is waiting to be saved. The truth is we need to save ourselves both men and women. In a bad relationship, financial struggles, kids stressing you out, work isn't what you dreamed it would be.... SO WHAT! Stand up and fix it instead of crying about it. I am not saying you can't be upset or hurt when things suck what I am saying before you send hate mail is feel it and let it go. When you let things hold you down it wins, whatever it is. Do you really want past relationships to run your future HECK NO! Feel it and let it go. Need more money pick up an additional hustle and work it like you love it. I can sit here today and say I have been through some crap recently and in the past. I stood up like a true queen does, straightened my crown when the world wanted to take it from me and I went to war. Many of you don't know I have had to fight to refinance my house for close to 2 years now and today was a HUGE day for me because we were able to finally refinance it and now my house is safe! Granted it took a team of people to help me get it done but it is done now and I can breathe easy. I had to fix credit issues, make more money and figure out how much fight I have in me to make sure I win this fight. I lost sleep and hair not to mention I am in desperate need of a vacation now but I refused to give up ever! Nothing was going to stand between my goals and myself. I have had to battle through some crap and I never gave up, somedays I had to force myself to put one foot in front of the other with tears in my eyes but I did it. Why did I do it? Because real princesses save their dang self! Stop saying it is to hard because nothing is impossible if you refuse to give up! There is a saying that I love, winners aren't always the most talented, luckiest, prettiest or richest they are the ones who want it more. It might take time but in the end you will reach your goals I promise. Sometimes you have to change your approach or figure out if you can live without certain things but never ever give up if it is something you truly want in your life. So make your 11:11 wishes, straighten your crown and save yourself because you might be exactly what you are looking for in the end. Or your prince might be stuck in a revolving door or on a battle turtle who knows but seriously don't wait for someone to save you. If you need help suck it up and ask for help, if you need a team to help you get one but never ever give up!
*I am not saying to stalk anyone FYI that is something totally different!*
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Dear No One,
I have a confession of sorts to make..... Even through all the heart breaks and life lessons learned the hard way as always I still believe in crazy stupid love. I should be bitter after everything I have been through but I refuse to let things get the better of me. I keep hoping for someone to show up and see me, the real me. I am tired of people only seeing part of me as I am sure many other women feel the same way. Even at the ripe old age of 25 like I am ( stop laughing it is my lie and I can tell it how I want to. ) I keep wishing and holding out hope that someday he will find me. Not the guy who can only talk about being physical, there is SO much more to life than that it drives me nuts when that is all people can think of to talk about. I thought I found the perfect person. I guess I was wrong because I was told before that if men want to make something happen they would if not then it won't happen. Plain and simple which I appreciate the honesty of that statement. Someday somehow I will have my chance at crazy stupid love however that looks when it happens. Maybe he will end up at my front door or come walking around a corner somewhere. All I know is that I am worth it and whoever the right person is will know it. No matter how many times he tries to push me away I will wait. What I really wish for is just a chance at it just to see where it goes and how it feels along the way. So yes my dear no one I refuse to let the world break me even when I should let it. I am way to stubborn to let it win. I may be single for the rest of my life and I am ok with that if that is Gods plan for me. But if someone is reading this and you know the world is trying to break you or make you think it is impossible all I say is be open and give it a shot when love shows up. No one said it would be perfect or ideal but if you find someone who looks at you like you are perfect or ideal isn't it worth the chance? I will not beg or ask anyone for anything they are not willing to give, that would not be fair. So here I sit patiently waiting for my turn, if it happens fantastic if not that is ok to. Life is to short to settle for anything less than what I know I want. Here is to 11:11 wishes every night and some stupid girls ideal image of imperfect love that becomes perfect because 2 people don't want to grow old without the other person by their side. You can call me crazy but I still believe in love and happy ever after. Through all the heartbreaks and world falling apart I sill believe in it. I believe in the exchange of power between a man and woman, when he is my strength I will be his weakness. He will make me believe I can conquer the world on days I find it hard to find my fight within. I want to become his weakness not in a bad way but I want to become so precious to him that I am looked at as a treasure worth taking care of not broken into a million pieces. I believe in real conversation not just small talk, I honestly can't stand small talk at all. I prefer deeper conversations where you can learn more about a person than talking about the weather unless he is telling me that it is going to rain or snow that day so we can dance in it later. I find it tiring and boring when the only compliments someone can give is based on looks. If that is all you can come up with you clearly are missing the bigger picture. Call me crazy but I still believe that somewhere out there is someone who wants to be with me and only me and has no intention to make me feel bad about anything. I see the good in people when they can not see if for themselves and it does get me into trouble more times than not but I refuse to change that part of me. I crave being around people who have more to say than just general conversation. I adore talking to people who have accomplished goals they have set for themselves. Anyone who has compete, coach or teach on a higher level than normal people fascinate me because they are a rare breed and I love their energy. I have no intentions to give my time to anyone who thinks it is cute to be crude or rude to me, life is to short to waste on someone who can't take me seriously even just a little. So call me crazy but I still hope that someday someone will look at me and want a lifetime of crazy conversations, laughing and dancing in the rain.... that is the stuff 11:11 wishes are built on!
I am SO tired of people acting like being single is the worst thing in the world. The mindset of needing to be in a relationship to be happy is one of THE MOST messed up things I have heard. I am tired of being treated like I have some damn disease because I am a single mom. News flash being a single parent is hard work, we do the work of both mom and dad when the kids are with us. Unless you have been in that situation DO NOT speak like an authority on the subject. It makes me sad when people do not take the time to find themselves again after the end of a relationship, take the time to heal first before you move on. If you don't take the time to heal and rest your heart you are not giving yourself the ability to give your whole self to the next person and it only sets that relationship up for failure in the end. Being single is not a bad thing ever! Being single means you are patient enough to wait for the right person not choosing to cling to the next person to come along. In my opinion thinking you HAVE to be in a relationship to be happy is not only archaic but weak minded. I can not stand it when people say oh I am sorry you are single... well that is weird because I am not sad about it and last time I checked it is my life so there is that. Things happen and no one is perfect but life is also to short to not be happy or to be scared. Making the choice to be single is not always easy because sometimes you still care deeply for the other person but for whatever reason the relationship had to end. Everything happens for a reason and thats ok. But seriously looking down on people who are single is beyond stupid, my heart breaks for the people who are in a relationship and miserable because they feel stuck. That is a travesty not being single.
Why do people have to be in a relationship all the time? When one ends, just wait. Wait a little bit and reset yourself so you are not bringing your old stuff to the new. Just wait so the anger or hurt can subside. Wait for someone who will show genuine interest in you instead of someone who is just there. Someone who will see the best in you but know you are not perfect. Wait to go out with them until you know them better. Take your time when you are hurting to heal some of your broken heart. Just wait for you to be ok. It is not fair to the new person in your life to have to watch you struggle with your past. They might be supportive but are you giving them the best you that you can in that case? If not, just wait. If they are meant to be in your life they will be there when you are ready. Letting go of the past allows you to walk through the door to your future!
A queen is someone who will set goals with you and for herself and push you to reach them with her. A queen will hold you accountable for your actions and expect you to do the right thing even when she is not there. A queen is someone who will elevate your life and take it to the next level. A queen is also someone who does not need you but wants you in her life please remember that. She is someone who will be by your side as long as you treat her with respect otherwise she will walk away. A queen is someone who can see the best in you even when you do not. She is never afraid to do what is best for her kingdom even when it is hard. She will make you want things you have never wanted before and get you to see things in a fresh new way. A queen is someone you value because they don't come along everyday. Someone who does not have your best interests at heart and will not call you out in a gentle way when you are messing up is not your queen she is only someone along for the ride. Yes it is true that a queen is not always easy to deal with because she is strong minded and knows what she wants and refuses to just settle for what she can get right now. A queen is comfortable waiting for what she really wants in life and isn't afraid to fight for it when it is time. If you want to be with a queen I suggest you act like a king to draw her in rather than expecting her to drop everything for you first. That is why there needs to be more queens in the world.
It is ok to be tired sometimes. It is ok to be sad sometimes. It is ok to not want to talk to anyone sometimes. But it is never ok to give up on yourself. Trust that even when life goes off the rails you are doing the right things and you are on the right path. If life was easy would you appreciate it at all? Do the right things daily even if that means feeling alone. You always come out in a better place by staying true and doing the right things, trust me people see it! Don't lie don't cheat earn things the right way and be in a good healthy relationship filled with love and joy and growing together. Treat others how you want to be treated and no matter what understand not everyone will treat you will back but that is on them so don't hang your head. Being a good person means you will feel alone somedays and it is totally normal. Just breathe and trust it won't be like that forever even the rain doesn't last forever. Work hard, treat your body right. Be the person who you were meant to be. The hardest thing you have to do is look at yourself in the mirror and decide if you like who is staring back at you. If you know there are things you need to change then change them even if it makes you uncomfortable at the time. Change is scary but a lifetime of being unhappy is a sentence no one wants. If you truly care about your significant other make sure they have room for their wings because beautiful things are not meant for cages they need space to be free and if you are meant to be with them you will be there with them. I might be rambling a bit because I am tired, mentally and physically no matter what is going on in my life but there are 4 people who depend on me to dig deep and be mom 24/7 and that is the best job I could ever have even when they don't appreciate it at the time.
Life gets intense somedays and everyone has ways to handle it. Small stress and chaos is one thing but sometimes we are hit with a Semi load of stress all at once and we need to deal with it and still function as a human even when we want to say screw it I am building a fort and no one can come in. I am guilty of shutting down when the life junk semi pulls up. I don't mean to hurt anyone it is just how I handle things. Right or wrong when things hit the fan I get quiet. I pull back to look at the situation and come up with ways to fix it. Sometimes I have to hide and let a few tears out because the hurt is to much. Please don't look down on those of us who retreat when life gets crazy, we are not gone forever we are just plotting our attack on things so we can come out on top. You can't force someone out of their quiet if they aren't ready to come out, that is the equivalent of petting a bear and wondering why they took your arm off. Just a bad idea to do that. Let them have their space and know they aren't going anywhere they are just lost in their thoughts and need to figure it out. When they try and talk it is not because they want you to fix it for them it is because they need to say things out loud. Understand if they talk to you when they are being quiet you have earned their trust do not break their trust, that can do more damage than a lot of other things can do. Sometimes they will get lost in music and other times they will just need silence. Just let them know you are there when they shut down and when they are ready they will reach out. So for those of us who shut down when life gets to be to much know that it is ok to pull back and don't feel bad for doing it. Just make sure you don't check out of life completely because other people need you as well.
I watched a video last night and she said something powerful on it. She said when people found out about her abuse they would ask why didn't you leave earlier.. That IS the problem not asking how someone could do that but rather shame the victim instead. I have been told by many people I should have gotten a restraining order long before anything really bad happened why didn't I? To be honest I was really embarrassed and I was convinced it was my fault somehow. I worked to much or I should let him sleep more or I didn't make sure there was enough food at home for him. You name it I thought it. I wasn't enough, or I should have done something else or not said something or should have commented more on his posts on social media. Mind you I have 4 kids and a house so working is not an option I had to do it. I wasn't getting rent from him, he paid the cable bill 3 or 4 times and the rest was on me. I have had people tell me they lost respect for me because I allowed that to happen in my life..... Are you kidding me!!! First off if you think someone feeling like they have the right to say that to me tells me they could care less about anyone around them so forgive me for NOT losing any sleep over that opinion of me. You never know what is truly going on unless you are there and you see the dark side when no one else is looking. Not sleeping much because you are afraid he will "accidentally" hit you in your sleep is scary. The truth is until we can protect the person hurting by saying mean things to someone who is scared is just making it worse. No one is perfect but please understand if someone is in a situation like that they are scared and not sure how to calmly end the relationship. Please don't shame someone who is getting out of the situation, they have been through enough by the time they finally get out. And it is really funny how you can not hate the person who hurt you but hate what they did to you. In the end the person on the receiving end of the abuse will be left with the collateral damage left behind while the other person just moves onto the next person. I pray things will be different for the next person, I don't want someone to be afraid like I am. Please know that just because he didn't hit me doesn't make it any less damaging...
She doesn't want the world she just wants to be happy. She has goals and she plans to crush them all with or without someone in her life. She doens't need anyone in her life to make it better because her life isn't bad right now. She doesn't need anyone to save her because she can save herself. What she has always wanted is someone to compliment her life not complicate it. She doesn't want to hurt she only wants the smiles and laughter. She has had enough hurt in her life and people making her feel stupid for believing them. Getting her attention after the hurt is not easy, it is also not impossible. It's not ego it is just fact that she has been to hell and came back stronger she doesn't need you, she wants you in her life. The person she wants in her life can make her smile when she wants to cry. He won't try and fix her he will be there while she fixes herself. He won't stop her from going after everything she has ever wanted because he knows she wants a better life for herself, her kids and everyone around her. He won't call her names or tell her she is stupid, he won't hurt her like the others before him did. He understands she isn't perfect and can see her as perfectly imperfect. She craves late night talks about life,love and goals. He knows she shuts down when she gets stressed or sad and he knows she does that so she doesn't hurt anyone when she is hurting. She is a combination of princess and warrior and she wants someone to look at her like she is the princess even when she is ready to fight the world. The look he gives her can change her world in an instant. Knowing when to give her space and when to hug her is the key to keeping her. She is not like other women because she is not afraid to walk alone in life if it means the hurt and fighting will end and bring her the peace she so deeply needs. Here is to the She of the world waiting for the right moment to show everyone what she is made of and no longer willing to accept less that everything she has ever wanted!
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AuthorThis blog is a random journal of both Tracy waiting for Mr. Right to show up and just great advice based a lot on what NOT to do while dating! Archives
August 2018
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