Truth is that everyone gets judged on a daily basis. The easiest thing to do is stop trying to hide your crazy and let it hang out - why not what do you have to lose if people will judge you anyhow. I think that you need to be yourself no matter what, we are all made unique so why try to be like everyone else. Chase your dreams as long as no one gets hurt and things don't suffer in the mean time. We only get 1 shot at this life rarely do we get a second shot to start over. I love to see people be authentic and just let it out there for the world to see. If you are in a relationship and you have to walk on egg shells and are scared to say the right thing how free are you to be your true self? I did that for years and I lost myself in the mean time, until I woke up and figured out that I am still a person at the end of the day. Yes I get awesome titles like mom and maybe someday I will be a wife again but no matter what I need to remember who I am and not lose site of that ever again. Life is to short to be chasing other peoples dreams and let mine sit by the wayside because someone said it was stupid. Won't they be surprised when they see me now!!! I am more confident and happy than I ever have been and I am the best me I can be because I know who I am, what I want and where I am going! I refuse to change who I am because someone else is embarrassed by me - if I don't pee my pants and pick my nose in public how bad could it be really!!! And come to think of it even if I did if someone really loved me they wouldn't care!!! Ahhhh yes today is a good day because I won't hide my crazy and yet I will always act like a lady, just my version of it!!!
0 Comments
What if you found someone who made you feel everything you have ever wanted to feel but it wasn't the right time or maybe not the right person. The right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time - really it doesn't matter either way because the feelings left behind are the only thing that is left that are real. You can miss the way you felt and miss the person themselves knowing the whole time they are not your future. They served a purpose and that was to show you that what you have always craved is real and possible the scary thing is what if you never feel that way again. I am able to say now that I know he is gone but my desire to feel that way or better is still very much real - no I don't compare everyone to him that is wrong what I want is to feel that room clearing bubble of happiness that I felt for a brief moment in time. Perhaps it will just be an amazing memory but I am very very scared I will never feel that way around someone again. It may seem confusing to others but I wish him well and I wish daily for that feeling to return if not by him then please send me someone else who can make me feel that way again. The little things that make you forget to breathe like when he brushes your hair away from your face to kiss you, or just the way he can look at you and make you feel beautiful in a room of people. In more cases than not its the things that money can't buy that haunt us forever an mean the most. So universe I am asking kindly in a most open way please send me someone to make me feel like that again. I am ready whenever he is I just hope he is out there, maybe I know him already and he needs a push who knows what ever it is where ever he is please just don't make me wait forever but if thats what it takes I will wait. Somewhere out there has to be someone who can appreciate all of me not just part of me.......
I think I may surprise some people when they meet me in person. When you meet me it may come as a shock that I am sometimes quiet and I take it all in. I ask a ton of questions when the conversation gets rolling not to be nosey but because I am actually interested in what you have to say. I look people in the eye not to intimidate them but looking for real emotion when you speak. I love to watch people talk about things they love weigher its work, kids or sports. I crave great conversation and I can talk for hours once I get going which doesn't take much. But when it comes to the first move you can bet the timid, yes I said timid girl in me loves it when he makes the first move. So yes I know what I want but I am not always going to
Ok this subject has been driving me nuts for some time now - What the hell is dating anyhow? What defines it? Do you actually have to have a conversation to establish it or is it just assumed after so many times hanging out together and not wanting to kill each other? I mean seriously no joke I am BAD at it- clueless if you will! I have no idea when you are supposed to stop talking to people of the opposite sex and when its ok. Is the cut off when you are physical but then what happens if its a hit and run first date? Is it when you hit a certain dollar amount spent during dates? If it when you want to spend more time together? What about if you are thinking about them during the day? See I have questions about all this crap! I have been single for almost 2 years and if someone thought we were dating and I didn't know I am sorry however when it comes to this stuff you really need to be a bit more forward with it. So when it comes to be please just say you want to see me again if you do or I will just assume you don't want anything else. I really think there would be a lot less drama if people would just say what they want. If you want to be exclusive just say it chances are I may be good with that if we have spent time together and you know that I would like to see you again. I am easy yet complicated because I truly have NO clue what I am doing. I need to find someone who is patient with me and someone not afraid to just say they want to see me again - if you only say you want to sleep with me chances are pretty good that it will never happen, unless i am drunk then I can't be held accountable for my actions as long as I am single. So let me break it down for you nice and simple, to me dating would be when you go places together and someone wants to see you again I get busy schedules and thats cool I would just like to be reassured that if I am not going out with other people the other person isn't either. Just a thought and it could be wrong WHO KNOW
The more I think about things I come to realize its not always a bad thing to miss someone. It doesn't mean you are sitting here with a weird shrine to them in a locked room like a crazy person. Sometimes you miss who they are and more importantly how they made you feel than anything at all. I miss being treated like I was someone special, I miss feeling like I am the only person in the room when I am around someone. I miss feeling beautiful just by the way he looked at me. I miss feeling like nothing bad could ever touch me when he was around. I miss the conversation and laughing. I miss being encouraged to try new things that I would not have tried before. So no its not always a bad thing to miss someone, memories are there for a reason and if they make you smile still it really can't be all that bad can it? Moving on is still possible and happens all the time especially in my case but you can bet I will never forget how he made me feel. The memories come faster and more intense when other men talk to me with low respect, I know its possible to have the level of respect I desire because it happened for a brief period of time. He may be gone for good but just knowing that there are people out there who can and will treat me the way I would love to be treated keeps a smile on my face and hope in my heart that someday someone will do that
The other night I got a call from a friend I have known for a few years and he asked me how it is that I am still single and that no one has wanted to have me in their life to which I responded that I am a huge raging bitch! But in all seriousness its a great question to which I have an answer!!! No I am not hugely picky however I know what I want. I refuse to be an option or a toy for anyone, I can see a game a mile away and I get tired of it quickly. I refuse to allow someone to ignore me or treat me badly, I won't tolerate anyone using me for anything. I want to find someone who is motivated with the heart and patience of a saint and the mind of a sinner. Resect me in all aspects mind, body and soul and you may be surprised the side of me you will see. I want someone who will show genuine interest and do things for me because he wants to not because he wants something from me other than a smile. I want someone who loves life and sees each day as a gift. I want someone who wants to protect me and make me feel safe and I will do the same for him. Be willing to try new things and show me new things, learn with me and teach me things. Show me affection in front of others and not caring who knows you care about me. Get lost in the music with me, dance with me in the rain, make me laugh, hold me while I sleep and do the little things that make me go awwwww.... Love without limits and even when you are busy just don't forget about me, you may be surprised how quickly things happen. If I am asking to much then so be it but it's what I want and I am not willing to be with anyone who is less than what I want. So that my friends is why I am still single, any questio
Along the journey we call life there are a few lessons we can learn early on that are precious to us, one of which is when we need to walk away from something allowing time to think about a situation and when its time to just cut and run. Many times running is not the answer however there are occasions when running is needed. If you are in an abusive situation run like hell and never look back other than to learn what happened and grow from it. But more often taking a step back and some times a few steps back are whats needed. If it is a situation that upsets you regularly and you are not sure why take a step back and look at it for a bit. If it is something that you want clarity on take a step back. Its not a bad thing to take a step back and look at a situation for what it is
I am not like a lot of other women for more reasons than one. I am able to hear the truth and be ok with whatever you have to say, it may catch me off guard but I promise I can handle it. If you want me say so, want to talk to me call, miss me SAY SO! If you want me to be all yours just say it don't make me guess how you feel. If you want to play games and keep me hanging then that leaves the door open for someone else to come into my life, if you can't stand the thought of me with someone else than say so. If you are not ready but you want me in your life be honest with me you may be surprised at my willingness to be open to your ideas. I am strong enough to handle thing thrown at me as long as I am aware of the truth, games not needed. If I have to fight how I feel because I am walking on egg shells its not fair to either of us, life is to short to hold back for long. Life is an amazing adventure if you are not willing to take the journey with
I was trying to think about how to explain how I have been feeling lately. The only thing I can come up with is that I am single an satisfied. I am so good with where I am in my life and I am so happy with how things are going, they might not be perfect but its really a great feeling to be so free. I love the fact that a simple message, text or a phone call can really just add a smile to my day. I adore the fact that I am truly the best me that I can be right now and that I know I am not perfect but someone will see my faults and still think I am perfect for them as I will think the same for him. I don't have to chase people down or beg for anything I have earned the right to be the one who is pursued by someone who is willing to show me his interest not just talk about it. I guess maybe that comes with being an adult and knowing what I want and what I don't want. And what I don't want is to be with someone who will just say they love me and not show me they love me, I want more than just words! To many people forget that they can say anything they want it means crap until you can back it up. Only insecure people play with others emotions because they are unsure of their own. I have come to a place where I know my heart is not a playground but a treasure so someone will have to earn it through actions, words are great but actions always speak louder. So please don't say you love me and then stop talking to me, don't say you want to see me and then forget to say when, don't tell me you want to spend forever with me and then wake up with someone else. Don't tell me you want to have a baby with me and then if I say I am late you fall off the face of the earth, glad to know ahead of time how things will go down in the future. Thank you fate for taking over time and time again and teaching me things that I need to learn sometimes in the most painful ways but I always grow from it and become a better me while I wait for someone to come into my life who will compliment it not complicate it. Cheers to vewlife on the sunny side all the time!!!
Over the last few days I have been quiet and thinking which for those of you that know me understand this is not always a good thing for everyone. I have come to terms with the fact that I may never get my fairy tail happy ever after at this point how ever I refuse to lose all hope. I have backed away from everyone and was curious who would notice and come looking, painful truth is no one noticed. I am at peace with the fact that people say lots of stuff to me all the time and yet no one really wants to back it up, once again I will say words mean little actions mean everything. Some have hurt me more than others but no one will ever really know because I will not show it, just not worth the effort now. So I have adopted the way of life: Stand up princess no one is coming to save you so if it needs to be done or you want it go get it yourself. I am sure some people may think that I am sad which I am not really, I can't control who comes into my life but I can control how they affect me now and in the future.
|
AuthorThis blog is a random journal of both Tracy waiting for Mr. Right to show up and just great advice based a lot on what NOT to do while dating! Archives
August 2018
Categories |