That moment when you realize that nothing you had planned for or hoped for is going to happen, that's when you are stripped down to being completely naked to yourself when you are stripped free of all the BS an expectations from others. All the things you thought would happen and hoped for are gone, now what?? You need to take a step back and look at your life, really look. Naked... Raw.... You need to look at what you have done, all the stupid choices you have made with all those times you didn't listen to your gut. Honestly I think that is all part of our journey. We all need to be stupid to find humility and dig down to the core of yourself. Learning from being stupid is a gift not a regret in the making. For a long time I was focused on becoming who I thought I should be now I know it doesn't matter because the real me that stands before people today is pretty freaking awesome. I might not be a size 2 with amazing abs, rich or have an awesome car but what I do have money can't buy, I have a brain and a pure heart full of love. I no longer care if the skinny girl wins because eventually she will eat and no longer be skinny, then what?? Ha yes, I have curves and a heart to match, I have drive and ambition and I have been called scary before and I don't care. I lost the real me a long time ago and now that she is back and better than ever I am whole. Would I love to have someone to wake up to everyday someday? DUH of course I would, but I will never ever again look over my shoulder at another person and wonder if she is better than me. We are all unique for a reason and like I said I know who and what I am and I no longer need to cover myself with other peoples wants or needs. XOXO life bring on the good stuff I am SO ready!!!
0 Comments
Once you know what you want from anything in life it is much easier to go get it. If you know what your goals are you know how to go about reaching them. I am not always a planner however I do know what I want... I might not always know how the hell I will get there but I know what it is I want. It might be the German in me that gets my heels dug in about things but that is not always a bad thing. It helps me wait for what I truly want in life and pushes me to work towards it everyday in some way, even if that way is working on myself. I look back on the last 3 years of my new life adventures and I stand in awe of the woman who I have gotten back to being and have grown from. It took a long time for me to find the real me and then grow from there. I now know beyond any doubt I will be an amazing partner for whoever is brave enough to love me! I might push limits but my loyalty is unmatched ( heck if I could stay with a cheater imagine what I would do with someone who was faithful ). The world is ready for me and I am ready for it, ever humble and grateful that I have my health and my kids knowing life could be a lot worse because I have been to hell, learned from it and now its time for the good stuff! XOXO Life I am ready when you are to be nothing short of amazing everyday!!!
Stubbornly yours, Single and not willing to settle for anything less than the best! ( please don't assume you know what's best for me let me decide that too ) Dear Fucktards,
Yes you read that right I said fucktards.... I would like to address a couple things that may just help some people out long term and short term, I want to go on record and say I am not angry just tired of certain things. Please do not ever ever ever ever ask a woman to change her hair, dress differently or act differently because you have a hair up your ass. Women are not toys, and you are certainly not Ken so give it up. Don't call, text, message or email looking for only one thing from us if you have no intention of doing anything past that with us. Trust me when I say the nicer you are to us outside the bedroom the more fun you will have with us later on. A good woman is worth investing your time and effort in don't just treat her like you are the last man on earth cause any woman with a back bone would know even if that was the case and you were a fucktard they make toys to meet our personal needs. Guys please know that if you treat a female cheap you can't really think she will be good to you in the long run. And if she is a quick romp in the sack without spending anytime with her I just want to wish you luck with the herpeghonacoladasypahclap that you will probably get! I am off my soapbox now haha! Some of us aka me have the self respect to wait for what we truly want and we know our value because we were once told by someone that made us believe finally that yes we deserve the best! Someday I hope to find the man who doesn't need to shout from the rooftops how he feels about me but rather whispers it to me only and shows everyone else I am his. I believe actions speak much louder than words in many cases. Put his arms around me when he is behind me, hold my hand when he is next to me and just make me never doubt I am the one he wants. I know that eyes speak volumes too, I can tell a lot just by looking at someone. I would love to have the hungry kind of love where you crave each other, not needing but wanting each other and no one else. I believe that it is that kind of passion that can last a lifetime because you will never stop trying to do things to make the other one know they are the one you choose. For me once I feel something that powerful it doesn't matter how many other men want my attention because I am all his and no one else stands a chance. So call me baby and kiss me like you mean it under the light of a thousand stars and make me yours.... Until that day, XOXO Life bring on the good stuff I am SO ready for the abundance you have waiting for me!!!!
Last night I got to bartend at a very extravagant wedding, it was beautiful and a little over the top but obviously filled with lots of love and happiness. I know a lot of single women would maybe be jealous... just not me. I looked around and saw tons of people having lots of fun which was great but what happens after the wedding? I know planning a wedding like that takes a ton of time, money and energy. I used to think that huge weddings like that were what it's all about but then I had my big wedding and discovered that it is not what it's all about. Marriage is supposed to be about the 2 people wanting to share their lives together not just have a part to one up the next person. If and that's a big IF I would ever get married again ( a bit far fetched because I am not dating but whatever) I would want it to be small and simple. I would not want the emphasis to be on that day but our future together. I want to find someone who wants to spend the rest of our lives acting like we are dating and to never stop trying to make the other person smile just because we can. I want to find someone who find magic in the moments not just in things. But until that day when someone looks at me and says they don't want to wake up another day with out me I will keep loving the moments life brings to me and keep on keepin on! XOXO Life bring on the good stuff I am SO ready!!!
Just once I want to be the girl who is chased even a little... If the timing isn't right something as little as a text, email, phone call or just meeting up for a short time would be enough to show me they care. I don't mind showing interest in someone as long as they can show me something heck anything once in a while. No situation is ever perfect there are always challenges that have to be faced in all aspects of life. But just once I pray that it can be me that is pursued a little by someone who I interested in. Just once I want to not guess if they miss me. Just once I would love to have someone who understands its the little things that mean the most and there is magic in moments not the stuff you can buy. Yeah just once I wish I could be the exception not the rule.... Maybe someday I will be that girl....
It's only hard to be single when I am happy oddly enough. I would love to have someone to share all of the good things with, yes I have my friends and family but its just not the same. I would love to have someone to celebrate the joyful things with since I have found my own strength to get through the darkness alone. Heck I prefer to be alone now when things go bad because I don't want to bring anyone else down or put my burdens on them. I miss being around someone I can make smile and knowing when I look at him he is already looking at me. Little things mean the most and I miss that too. It's funny looking at the big picture how many things you see differently when you step back. I guess I need to realize that if I can handle the darkness I can handle the light on my own too. It's almost like I wouldn't know what to do if I had someone anyhow, all I know is that I may be hard to love but I am totally worth it. If life has taught me one thing it has taught me that there is no perfect time and moments can come and go and possibly be lost forever if you take to long to take a chance. Nothing is perfect but if someone means a lot to you its worth taking a chance. XOXO Life bring on the good stuff!!!!
Sometimes dreams can better than reality and in some cases we get messages from our angels while we sleep. I have had a few times where I woke up wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep to try and get more of the message but again perhaps I only get some of it because I am not totally ready. Having time to think about life and what direction I truly want to go in and how I am going to get there has really been a gift. I have started to let go of the super planning life again and just kind of go with it. I need to trust my gut more and stop over thinking things in all aspects of my life. The one thing that has held true if I just trust my dreams and my gut life is a lot more simple. Dreams can be a wonderful way to get your life figured out especially if you lay down and relax and ask for guidance. Learning along the way is what I do best so bring on the gentle signs and guidance and if we can go without the turn my life upside down stuff that would be super! XOXO Life bring on the good stuff!!
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately since my life has once again been flipped upside down and the path I thought I was on is gone yet again.... Maybe I was not ready for it instead of it not ready for me. Maybe I have to get a couple more small things taken care of before my true path is revealed to me.. I am not a fan of how I am being shown that I can get close but then it all goes away, almost like getting a preview to how spectacular it WILL be soon. I know it will show itself soon and I know there were a couple goals I had set for myself that I have not achieved yet so maybe just maybe I got a little closer but because I wasn't ready it had to go away again. The kicker was my coffee pot taking a crap, really!!! I can handle the no job at Christmas but the coffee pot was just a little over the top at this point!!! Today I am off to get a new coffee pot and try to fix a few things that I know can be taken care of to get me closer to where I want to be as long as no one makes eye contact with me before the saint at Caribou gives me my fix of warm yummy goodness today. It was a gut check for me to look in the mirror and admit it might be me not ready for life instead of life not being ready for me. I just hope and pray now that I know this little tid bit that my dreams become reality and my true path is revealed so I can get this party started!!!! XOXO Life I am coming for ya so brace yourself is gonna be one heck of a ride now because I declare it's GAME ON!!!
People say all the time "You deserve the best" isn't that a given for anyone. You never hear people say ya know I think you deserve to be miserable with a jerk the rest of your life and there is a reason for that because everyone does deserve the best in life. Here is the tricky part, what is the best???? To me the best is being able to look at someone and feel safe, wanting to wake up to them everyday and just being with them. The best would be just knowing someone wants me as much as I want them. The best would to just be held in his arms hearing his heart beating. It doesn't have to be perfect it just has to be real. The best doesn't have to be roses and tons of attention sometimes all it takes is a quick text saying hi or just a look that says much more than words ever could. Sometimes the best is just being able to see them sleeping and knowing you made them a little more comfortable.... Sometimes simple little things are the best.
|
AuthorThis blog is a random journal of both Tracy waiting for Mr. Right to show up and just great advice based a lot on what NOT to do while dating! Archives
August 2018
Categories |